he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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