your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have post one night stand depression
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