...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
