Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
