thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize