Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
