Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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