when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
