I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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