You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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