apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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