Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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