Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
