How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
