I skipped work to stalk him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
