i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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