She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
