Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
