ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pants are for mortals
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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