Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
