dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wear drunk well.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
