peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
