She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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