just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
