Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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