we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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