She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
