make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
