Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
