2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
