"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
