you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
