Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it's like iHOP with fire
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
