Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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