Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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