Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
