me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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