Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize