His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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