So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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