just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
