in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
