She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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