It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you win again, gameday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
