also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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