He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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