meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
