Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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