Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
