So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
