just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
