Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
