Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She told me I should be a condom model.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
there is glitter all over my balls
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize