DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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