i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
