If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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