That's intense
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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