Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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