i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
