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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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