There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
