Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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