I'm eating all of the evidence.
the condom got lost in my hair
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize