Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
