if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize