My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
