You're my little dorito
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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