Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There's even glitter on my cock...
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