He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
