"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
