fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize