Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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